


It's All in the Delivery

by xladysaya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kuroo likes making jokes that aren't funny, M/M, Tsukki is a pizza delivery boy, i'm not about that life, idk what this is tbh lol, just good ol kurotsuki nonsense w smut thrown in, no food play I swear, what a shock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 08:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12955413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xladysaya/pseuds/xladysaya
Summary: Tsukishima Kei is forced to work part time at a pizza parlor, and his boyfriend is way too thrilled about it.





	It's All in the Delivery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Heartythrills](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartythrills/gifts).



> Hello! This is my gift for hearty for the kurotsuki exchange! I was worried about being a pinch server but honestly this was a lot of fun to write, so I hope you enjoy it! Big thanks to EmeraldWaves as always for beta reading!

First order of business: Kuroo Tetsurou was the worst.

He also happened to be Kei's boyfriend, his  _serious_  boyfriend. Like, love of his life, future husband type of serious.

Yeah, shit was that fucked.

Second: Kuroo Tetsurou was the  _ultimate_ worst because he ordered pizza at 3:30 in the afternoon like some sort of uncultured heathen, right during Kei's delivery shift.

Because again, ultimate worst.

Now that the facts were all sorted in Kei's head, he could go back to regretting his life choices. Kei asked himself everyday why he'd do this to himself, but of course, the answer always ended up being that he loved Kuroo. Stupid. He didn't deserve it.

Kei could already picture his cheeky grin, and Kei wished more than anything to be able to just fling the steaming hot pizza right in his boyfriend's face.

Speaking of pizza, it was no doubt getting cold as he stood motionless on Kuroo's doorstep.  _Good_.

Kei glared at the door in front of him, tempted to turn around and just quit his damn job. Kuroo was no doubt standing behind said door, geared up and ready to unleash his terrible jokes and innuendos on Kei. He was probably leaning against the side wall too, trying to look suave as usual.

The ultimate  _ultimate_ worst.

 _It's not worth it_ , Kei would tell himself.  _Just turn back, forget the pizza, and drive away._

If only things were so simple. But no, he needed the extra money. While Kei wasn't so unlucky to be working at a pizza parlor _full_ time, he was between jobs at the moment. The company he'd gotten hired at had yet to finish renovating the new offices, so of course, he couldn't start his job until next month. He'd already quit his old and crappy tech job, so he'd needed some way to stay alive in the meantime.

Hence, the pizza delivery gig, ugly ass uniform and all (seriously though, this yellow was not his color. It wasn't anyone's color).

For Kei, the job was an annoyance at most, but for Kuroo, it was like a blessing from the gods above. Asshat.

Kei had walked into Kuroo's apartment the day after getting the job, dressed in the uniform, and his whole life had gone downhill.

Kuroo had looked up from his phone, and had given Kei the once over, the ideas no doubt already stewing in his demon mind. Kei was powerless to do anything about what was to come next, and he closed his eyes, ready to be hit with it.

And yeah, it was just as bad, if not worse than he'd imagined.

Kuroo smirked slowly, eyes sharp and dangerous, glinting with mischief, which was a bad sign for anyone involved. In this case, Kei. "Well well, are you the pizza man? Because you sure can deliver."

Perhaps the worst part of that, if it could  _get_ worse, was that deep down Kei knew Kuroo had only just begun.

And he'd been right.

Hell, that had been  _tame_ for Kuroo. If only he'd known.

Like clockwork, once a week, Kuroo would order a pizza, and Kei would have to fucking bring it to him ( _seriously? Kuroo has a car dammit_ ), and he'd be received with a pick up line bad enough to make him want to swear abstinence.

"Babe, I know it's cheesy, but I think we're  _grate_ together."

"Have you eaten? Cause I can give you a pizz-a dis  _dick_."

"Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I'd stuff  _your_ crust."

"Like that pizza, my tongue will go straight to your thighs."

God. Why this?

Kei definitely inched closer and closer to denying Kuroo sex with each awful line. But he never did. Because Kei was weak, and he had no one to blame but himself for this.

_You could've worked at the grocery store, but you got greedy. You wanted tips. Now the only tip you're getting is--ah dammit now Kuroo has me doing it!_

The sad part was that usually Kuroo actually managed to make him laugh, and they'd...sometimes end up making out. Not because of the jokes though. Kei had standards  _dammit_.

Just...sometimes he missed his boyfriend at work okay? Not that he'd ever let Kuroo know that. Kuroo didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve a lot of things but alas, here Kei was.

Kei sighed to himself, resigned to his fate.

He hid a faint smile in his hand as he finally knocked on the door, humoring his boyfriend. If he'd wanted, he could've just used his own key, but Kuroo would surely whine about it. Loser.

And as Kei suspected, the lock turned right away, and the door swung open, since Kuroo had no doubt been waiting behind the door like an idiot, probably giddy with his newest pick up line.

Kei was dating a middle schooler apparently, and he didn't even really hate it. What had happened to him?

He'd gone through the pain of a long distance relationship and everything...

"Well, I sure hope this pizza comes with  _sausage_."

...just so Kuroo could say stupid shit like that.

Kei glared as his boyfriend winked at him, throwing the pizza into Kuroo's hands as he crossed the threshold into the apartment. Okay, so that was one bonus. He got a bit of a break when he delivered to Kuroo's place, and his co-workers totally knew it. At least they never snitched to Kei's boss.

One day though, they too would get fed up with Kuroo's weekly order, since he always requested the ' _hottest blond delivery boy you have_.'

_No shame, I swear._

"How should I know, you ordered it?" Kei said, taking off his work hat and flopping onto the couch. He'd only been working two hours, but honestly, that was enough.

He could only take so many shitty tips from rude customers or marinara stains on his sleeves.

Kuroo, good mood not faltering, tossed the pizza onto the table, completely forgotten as he made his way over to Kei.

_And three...two...one..._

Kuroo scooped him up in his arms, and yeah, Kei would admit it was nice. Kuroo's hugs were nice. Being with Kuroo was nice, pizza innuendos aside.

But then it happened.

Kuroo's hands started sliding far too low for the gesture to remain innocent, and Kei could already sense his boyfriend's smirk before he could see it. "Oh baby, you know I didn't mean the food. Now, let's say we just--"

_Not so fast._

See, Kei was prepared for this, since he dealt with it _every day_. Kei grabbed Kuroo's hands as they neared his ass, pushing them away, and Kuroo actually groaned about it.  _Ha_.

Maybe Kuroo was finally cracking. Granted, this was probably his fourth week of trying to seduce Kei during his work hours. Persistent bastard.

Kei fixed him with a glare that left no room for interpretation.

"For the last time, I'm  _not_  having sex with you in this uniform," Kei deadpanned, pleased at Kuroo's pout. "I refuse to indulge your bad porno scene kink."

Kuroo gasped, affronted, like Kei had accused him of cheating instead of wanting to bang him in his pizza delivery outfit.

When had it come to this?

" _Sir_ , I can't believe you would think me so low," Kuroo admonished, but Kei wasn't having it.

"Well I do, so there's no use denying it," he replied, crossing his arms. He was still half in Kuroo's lap, but he hoped it didn't diminish his authority on the matter.

"My own boyfriend doubts me..."

Kei arched a brow, because if that wasn't the biggest load of crap he'd ever heard. Kei laughed lightly, playing dumb. "Oooh, I get it. So you  _don't_ wanna have sex with me right now."

"Oh no, I would like that very much please, and if you don't mind, I wanna set up the camera in the corner," Kuroo began, shameless. The raven threw up his hands in surrender as he continued. "Now, we don't actually have to film anything, I just think it adds to the  _drama_ you know?"

 

The silence which filled the room spoke volumes enough, but Kei knew his boyfriend wouldn't stop his endeavor until he got a real response.

_Right_...

Kei fixed his boyfriend with the most unamused look he could, and Kuroo's smile faltered in a way which was cute enough to make Kei nearly rethink his decision.

But, no.

"Seriously?" Kei asked, not hiding his displeasure.

"Is...that code for a yes?" Kuroo tried, one last time, and Kei knew he had to leave before it got any more pathetic than this.

Kei snorted, pushing Kuroo away after one final kiss before he made his way back to the door. He was probably going to be late, but whatever. "Maybe in your dreams," he said with a smirk, leaving Kuroo behind to mope.

Oh well, he'd make Kuroo forget  _all_ about it later that night, and he'd do it  _without_ being in this stupid uniform.

What was Kuroo thinking? As if he'd ever.

\--

Except, as the days went by, he actually started to  _think_ about it.

_That brilliant son of a bitch._

It had been two weeks since Kei's refusal for...whatever Kuroo had requested (could it even be called a kink? more like a breach of dignity), and the other hadn't brought it up at all. Which in all honesty, was normal.

Kuroo might've been obnoxious, but he was still a huge, considerate sap who Kei loved. If Kei had said no, Kuroo would respect his wishes. He'd stopped pushing it, completely content with dropping the subject. He still ordered his weekly pizza, because  _"midday Kei cuddles are essential"_ apparently, but otherwise, there were no indecent incidents beyond sloppy make-outs.

And maybe  _that_ was the problem.

The night after Kei had denied him, they'd had sex. Amazing as usual, because it was Kuroo, and Kei hardly had his complaints, but...

Since then they'd both been nothing short of swamped. Kei picked up extra shifts for the week in order to save up some extra money for a trip Kuroo wanted to go on for his birthday, and Kuroo's workload was no better. He'd been staying late at the office every night, getting home either after Kei had passed out, or too tired himself to do anything other than take off his tie.

In short, they hadn't exactly had any hands on time together lately. And yeah, two weeks wasn't terribly long, but Kei had  _needs_.

And now, here he was, staring at Kuroo's weekly pizza order, and debating about jumping Kuroo's bones as soon as he opened the door.

_That asshole._

Kei was actually considering having sex during his shift. Out on delivery. To Kuroo. Because of course, by some miracle, Kuroo was home for lunch.

Bullshit. It all smelled like  _bullshit_.

But it didn't stop the fact that Kei was totally  _ready_ to do it. And seriously, why hadn't he before? Other than the fact that it was stupid, anyways. The idea didn't make him uncomfortable, and it was actually sort of funny. It would definitely be one to cross off their list...and sex with Kuroo was rarely something to be passed up. The only thing holding him back had been his pride, and that was slowly being flushed down the toilet as well.

_I mean c'mon, you already work as a delivery boy. It can't get much worse._

But maybe it wasn't even about his pride. At least, not where his job was concerned...

Because see, while Kei's resolve dwindled more and more with each second, his knowledge of his boyfriend did  _not_. He knew blaming Kuroo wasn't exactly fair, looking at the surface of the situation, but there might've been more to the story, which meant Kei just couldn't help it.

It was no secret the raven could be a bit of a schemer. 

What if he'd purposefully been overzealous about the whole "sex while in uniform" thing just to put the idea in Kei's head? Then lo and behold, when Kei naturally said no, Kuroo would back off, lay back, and wait it out, his plan perfectly in motion. Eventually Kei wouldn't be able to hold himself back, and Kuroo would get bragging rights, since Kei would now be initiating  _everything_.

Having the week of forced abstinence on top of things was just the icing on the cake which was Kuroo's fucked up plan, whether he anticipated that or not.

So, knowing all this, Kei  _should_  be smart about things.

Kei should  _not_  give in.

Kei should  _not_  act on his primal urges. And he most definitely  _should_  stop thinking about his boyfriend's hands all over him, gripping his hips and giving him 110% as he pounded Kei's ass.

Because those thoughts were bad.

Unnecessary.

He refused to let Kuroo have the last laugh and see his plan come to fruition.

As Kei slammed his car door shut, glaring at the pizza bag in the passenger seat, his hands gripped the steering wheel in his resolve.

_Drop the pizza off, grab a quick kiss, leave._

Yeah. Simple enough, he thought, even as a surge of anticipation flowed through his body, and he tore out of the parking lot, pushing it away.

Nothing was going to happen, and that was final.

\--

Except that was a bullshit lie.

Kuroo had barely opened the door when Kei forced his own way in, throwing the pizza on the nearby table because  _fuck_ , they both knew Kuroo never ate the damn thing until later.

"Hey, wh--" Kuroo was cut off by a searing kiss, and Kei drank in the startled moan he received for it. Kuroo may have been a conniving evil genius at times, but Kei had his own powers. Kuroo  _melted_  in his hands like putty, letting Kei coax out his tongue to play anyway he saw fit.

Kei's hand settled on his boyfriend's throat, applying just the slightest bit of pressure as their kiss got more intense. Kuroo growled into Kei's mouth, uncaring of the drool slipping from his mouth with each press of their lips. Before long, the loud smacks and whimpers filled the space, and only then did Kei actually have the sense to turn around and shut the damn door behind him.

Sorry neighbors. But well, back to business.

Kei used his hands to push Kuroo against the wall, pinning him there, and Kuroo joined in on their little dance quickly. His hands were on Kei's ass in an instant, squeezing with a grip so firm it had Kei gasping into another kiss.

It gave Kuroo the opportunity to do the one thing Kei had been dreading: talk.

Ever the multitasker, Kuroo busied himself with undoing Kei's belt as his breathless words filled the room. "Well, now  _this_  is what I call a delivery."

It was the last straw for Kei. After hundreds of lame lines, he was finally giving Kuroo what he wanted, but like hell would he be passive about it. In the next second, Kei was chucking his belt across the room (Kuroo was taking too damn long), and roughly got to work on Kuroo's until it too clattered against the hardwood.

" _Shut_.  _Up_." Kei punctuated his statement with a tug to Kuroo's hair, the kind he liked, turning around so that he was leaning against Kuroo's chest. Mostly because he didn't want to see the smug look on Kuroo's face, but also because he could grind his ass right on Kuroo's half hard dick. "You...you planned this didn't you?"

" _Well_ ," Kuroo began, but the rest of his words broke apart in a groan when Kei rubbed against him, his clothed dick sliding between Kei's cheeks. (Look. Kei knew he had a nice ass, he also knew Kuroo was weak to it. All was fair here.)

"I don't wanna brag or anything," Kuroo breathed, and Kei could  _feel_  the smirk against his neck as Kuroo sucked on his pale skin. "But I do tend to get what I want with you. You're so good that way baby..."

Kei shivered at the praise despite himself, his hand coming up to pull Kuroo's hair again, bringing their lips together. Kuroo's hands tightened on Kei's hips before greedily pulling his boxers down to his thighs and exposing Kei's flushed cock.

Fuck, he was already so worked up, but at this point, he didn't give a shit how desperate he must look. Kuroo wasn't exactly in better shape, the outline of his dick straining the fabric of his underwear and moving against Kei's ass.

Just like Kei wanted.

_Heh. It's the same both ways you know._

Kei would've loved to keep up their show of teasing until one of them broke, after all, foreplay should never be slept on. He loved being touched and played with until he couldn't take it anymore, until he was basically begging Kuroo to dick him down against the floor, but that would be for another time. He was still technically on the clock, and had wasted a good ten minutes already. Kei would have to get back to work soon, so if they wanted to get off, they'd better get going.

Which meant Kei could pull out the big guns, and the thought already had a little grin forming on his face. He pulled away from the kiss they were sharing, tongue flicking out against Kuroo's lips for good measure before delivering the final blow.

"And I always get what I want with you,  _babe_ ," Kei said, biting his lip for extra effect. He hardly employed the use of pet names, but when he did, it was game over. "Now,  _give_  it to me."

He was being thrown onto the couch before he could so much as take another breath. Perfect.

Nothing could ruin this, not even the fact that he was still in his goddamn uniform, albeit with his shirt hiked up and his pants missing. Still. He would be regretting this later. Maybe. Probably.

Kei licked his lips as Kuroo pulled out his own cock from his boxers, kicking his pants to some poor forsaken corner. Kuroo stroked himself a few times, his cock hot and  _big_  in his hand. The precum beading at the head was practically begging for Kei to put his mouth around it, but there was no time.

Kei wanted to be  _fucked_ , no room for substitutions. He made a mental note to give Kuroo a mind numbing blowjob later though.

Kei wiggled his ass closer to Kuroo's hips as his boyfriend settled on the couch, more than ready to get on with things.

Kuroo laughed to himself, his hands gliding over Kei's milky thighs. "Too bad I didn't get notice beforehand, I would've set up the camera. You look so fucking  _hungry_  for it you know..."

"If you make one more reference to pizza, I'm leaving," Kei bit back, though the eagerness in his eyes probably didn't help give the threat any strength.

Kuroo laughed louder, sticking a pillow under Kei's hips until he was positioned adequately, spread open and giving Kuroo quite the view. "No, I don't think you will."

And the certainty of the statement had Kei flushing from adoration an embarrassment all at once. Kuroo was absolutely right, and the affection laced in his eyes as kissed Kei again, short and sweet, made Kei's heart soar.

"Alright then, I assume this has to be quick," Kuroo stated, pulling away and fishing for the lube he stored hidden in the couch cushions, other hand kneading Kei's ass.

"I didn't think you'd have a problem with that," Kei said, his voice teasing in the way which drove Kuroo insane, and then there was a hand connecting harshly with his ass cheek, the slap echoing into the small home.

Kei yelped, his dick twitching from the sudden spike of arousal, and he finally lost all sense of reason.

Now it was just  _want_.

_I want. I want. I want._

"Oh, believe me, I don't," Kuroo said, his eyes gleaming wickedly, and his lubed fingers began to prod at Kei's entrance.

After that, Kei was done. His mind was nothing more than a thick fog of desire, his body moving and reacting on its own. God, he's missed this so much. Why hadn't they done this before?

"Mm," Kei moaned, low and long, as Kuroo stretched him efficiently. One finger was followed by two, then three, each thrust pulling more and more debauched sounds out of Kei's mouth.

"Hey,  _c'mon_ ," Kei urged, part of him still aware that time was very much against them. It seemed Kuroo was ahead of him though, and Kei cried out when he felt the head of Kuroo's cock press into him, silencing his complaints.

"Ah yeah, scream louder for me," Kuroo breathed, fully sheathing himself inside of Kei with little resistance. Kei knew it was most likely his extra horny brain making up shit, but he  _swore_  he could feel Kuroo pulse inside him, long and thick and everything Kei had been dreaming of for the past few days.

Kuroo seemed to read his mind.

He didn't give Kei the slightest of breathers, pounding into him with no sign of stopping. Kei's ass was probably turning red from how hard it was hitting Kuroo's thighs, but the burn was delicious, and Kei grabbed the armrest behind him for dear life when Kuroo began abusing his prostate.

Every thrust made Kei see stars, the pace never slowing no matter how much Kuroo's legs must've been straining to keep it up. But well, Kuroo was determined, and Kei loved him for it. Kei moaned shamelessly, his eyes glazing over and his hair sticking to his forehead. He felt like a mess, an amazing mess, and if he could've, he would've let Kuroo fuck him for the rest of the day.

Next time. Always next time.

The thought just brought Kei closer to the edge, his toes curling and his legs locking around Kuroo's waist. His boyfriend panted harshly, but his smirk remained, eyes boring into Kei's with no shortage of intensity. He loved this just as much, loved fucking Kei until he couldn't think clearly. They'd done this more than enough times, and at this point, Kuroo considered himself a pro at knowing the fastest and most satisfying way to get Kei to orgasm, and he used the skill to his advantage.

_Bless him. Five stars. Fuck._

Kei felt his body start to spasm, the familiar heat coiling in his abdomen until flecks of white danced across his vision. He was going to come so fucking hard,  _finally._

"Tetsu,  _Tetsu_ , fuck I'm--" Kei couldn't get the words out, his voice breaking and dissolving into moans as his orgasm rushed over him.

"Yeah come on baby, right on my cock," Kuroo babbled, his thrusts becoming less and less precise as he neared his own orgasm. "You're squeezing me so tight, you make me feel so good, so fucking good..."

Somehow, the pride which surged through Kei as a result of the praise only intensified the pleasure coursing through him, and he pulled Kuroo down into another sloppy kiss, not caring that it prevented Kuroo from pulling out of him.

He'd gladly take everything Kuroo had to offer. He'd asked after all, and Kei could be greedy when he wanted to be.

Kuroo moaned into Kei's mouth as he came, pumping Kei full, and no objections were raised. They sat there afterwards, panting and exchanging kisses until the burn subsided, the fog in their minds gradually lifting.

Kei felt the aftershocks of his orgasm pulse through him as Kuroo pulled out, slumping onto the couch in the usual boneless fashion. Kei snorted, and his mind continued to spin from how  _great_  he felt. Kuroo looked just as fucked out, eyes droopy and smile lazy.

They were well fucked and well loved, as gross as it sounded. What was better?

Kei stretched, his skin still tingling, and he eyed the clock sitting on the coffee table.

Oh.

"Well shit," he said, not nearly as concerned as he should've been, and Kuroo raised his head, squinting at the time.

"You know...I think you're gonna be late," Kuroo said, pulling Kei against his chest despite the glare directed at him. Yeah, he was late. More than late. Like...he'd definitely have to explain himself late.

Kei sighed, accepting the situation. He sort of had to. Kuroo's cum was dripping out of his ass, so he wasn't going anywhere.

But that was alright he guessed. Kuroo kissed his temple, snuggling closer. And of course, Kei let him, because deep down, there was nowhere else he'd rather be anyways.

Until Kuroo ruined it.

"Anyways, I would  _tip_  you for the pizza, but I sorta already did," the raven said, grinning wolfishly, and Kei was powerless.

"Tetsu."

"Yeah?"

Swallowing the last of his pride, Kei let himself smile, kissing Kuroo's cheek. "You're a real  _pizza_  work, you know that?"

It was comical, how Kei could practically  _see_  Kuroo's brain short circuit, reboot, and reprocess what Kei had said, ultimately leading to both of them toppling to the floor, and Kuroo bombarding him with kisses.

Needless to say, Kei was an extra hour late to work.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3 Comments are always appreciated ^^
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://its-love-u-asshole.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/itsloveuasshole)


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